


Whenever

by bjfic_archivist



Category: Queer as Folk (US)
Genre: Canon, No Slash
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2003-07-28
Updated: 2003-07-28
Packaged: 2018-12-27 04:54:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,647
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12073917
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bjfic_archivist/pseuds/bjfic_archivist
Summary: Brian and Justin deal with the fallout of Brian's disappearance inWherever.





	Whenever

**Author's Note:**

> Note from IrishCaelan, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [The Brian/Justin Fanfiction Archive](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Brian_Justin_Fanfiction_Archive). To preserve the archive, I began importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in September 2017. I posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address on [The Brian/Justin Fanfiction Archive collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/bjfic/profile).

It had taken over a day for Justin to convince Brian to get out of bed. Even then they only got as far as the living room where Justin sat propped up against one corner of the couch while Brian laid stretched out between his legs. Barely saying anything. After gaining his promise that he wouldn’t walk away no matter what, Brian had fallen silent, speaking only when necessary. 

The effect of the drugs had long since cleared Brian’s system, but that didn’t mean he was over what had happened. Justin wouldn’t have believed him anyway if he had tried to act as though nothing was wrong. 

“I was thinking of ordering in some Italian for dinner. What do you think?” Justin murmured against the side of his head, his hands lightly massaging Brian’s stomach. 

“Whatever you want,” Brian said quietly as he shifted slightly in Justin’s arms. 

Justin brushed a kiss against his temple. “If I order Italian, are you going to eat it?” 

“Long as we have some ice cream later,” he whispered, leaning his head into the kiss. 

“I think that can be arranged.” 

If there was one thing to be grateful for, it was that there was no bathtub in the loft. Even having a shower, something Brian had once taken great pleasure in, now caused him to tense up and clutch at Justin almost desperately. The doctor told Justin to expect things like that, but that the reactions wouldn’t be permanent. Brian would be fine. It would take a little while. Time they had thanks to Cynthia and some fast talking with Gardner Vance. Brian could take all the time he needed before going back to the office and Justin was going to make sure that Brian didn’t go back until he was ready. 

“You do realize that for me to actually order the food you’re going to have to let me up?” Justin pointed out when Brian seemed ready to drift off again. 

Brian shook his head, sinking deeper into Justin’s arms. “I’m comfortable so you’re not moving.” 

“But I want to eat,” Justin insisted. “My stomach’s going to start growling soon.” 

“I could use to massage.” 

“After we eat I promise I’ll give you a real massage,” Justin grinned then pressed a kiss to Brian’s bare shoulder. “You’ll feel phenomenal when it’s over. But first you have to let me up so I can order dinner.” 

After a brief hesitation, Brian scooted forward enough for Justin sneak out from behind him. Justin made the call quickly, placing their order from the Italian bistro two blocks down, adding some biscotti cookies to their usual order. They were a guilty pleasure of Brian’s that he rarely indulged in and Justin had decided that this was one of the times that he would indulge in them. 

“The food’ll be here in about forty minutes,” Justin announced as he hung up the phone. He went to the kitchen to grab a bottle of water from the fridge, but stopped when he heard the loud buzz from the speakers near the front door. 

The gang was once again trying to talk their way into the loft. During a telephone call with Debbie the day before, Justin had made it quite clear that their presence was neither wanted or needed. They hadn’t given a damn when Brian was missing. He had spent a week trying to convince them that something was wrong, but none of them would believe him. In their own ways, each of them had more or less decided that Brian was just acting out after the split. 

“What?” Justin growled into the speaker as he pushed down on the intercom button. 

“We want to see Brian,” Michael told him irritably. “You changed the locks so we couldn’t get in yesterday.” 

Justin rolled his eyes. “Maybe because you were wanted. You still aren’t so go away.” 

“Don’t be a shit, Sunshine,” Debbie chided and the blonde could envision her finger pointing towards the speaker. “We’re worried about Brian. Now let us up.” 

“I’m not being a shit, Deb, but we really don’t want company right now,” Justin tried to explain to her, even knowing that she wasn’t going to listen to him. 

There were a lot that he could say to get his point across, but they were things that he didn’t want to say when Brian was around. He didn’t want the other man to know just how little his family cared about him. Brian was loyal as hell and would do anything for the people he cared about, yet those same people hadn’t even seemed to care that he had dropped off the face of the earth for an entire week. It was only pure luck that Brian hadn’t been trapped in that bathroom for even longer than he already was. 

“Let them in.” 

Justin started at Brian’s quiet voice beside him. He stared up at his lover who stood leaning against the wall with his fingers digging into the grooves between the bricks, almost a ghost of his former self. His eyes involuntarily found their way to his right wrist where a dark purple bruise wrapped around Brian’s wrist in place of the cowry shell bracelet. 

A bracelet which was probably lost for good. 

“You sure?” Justin asked, releasing the intercom as he turned fully towards Brian. 

There was only a slight hesitation before Brian nodded his head. “I’m sure.” 

With great reluctance, Justin hit the button that would release the main door of the building. He knew that Brian wasn’t ready to deal with their family en masse, but he wasn’t going to try to convince Brian of that. Instead he would support his lover, let Brian do what he wanted to and be ready to hold him up when he went too far. 

Which, knowing Brian, would inevitably happen. 

“Are you sure you’re up to dealing with them?” Justin asked again, reaching up to cup the back of Brian’s neck. His fingers snuck up into his hair, lightly massaging his scalp. “I can still make them go away.” 

“This is something I need to do,” Brian told him, leaning forward so that their foreheads were pressed together. “Don’t go far, though. Okay?” 

“I’m not going anywhere,” Justin assured him, smiling up at the taller man. 

A loud grinding noise from outside of the loft announced that the others were on their way up. Taking his cue from Brian, Justin turned off the alarm as the taller man set about unlocking the front door and slowly heaved it open, the muscles in his biceps bulging from the effort. He leaned heavily against the door jamb, relaxing against Justin’s chest as the smaller man stepped up behind him. 

It seemed to take an exceptionally long time for the elevator to reach the sixth floor. As it got closer, Justin could feel Brian tensing, pushing himself away from the wall and away from the blonde. 

“Brian!” Michael cried as soon as his head became visible above the floor. 

The elevator hadn’t even come to a stop and Brian was already tensing and took half a step back, towards the safety of the loft. Justin placed a hand on the small of his back, letting him know that he was still there. Brian seemed to stand up straighter then, his head turned towards the elevator where the grate was now being lifted so that the others could emerge. 

Rather than rushing towards Brian, as Justin had expected them to do, they all huddled around the elevator, staring at him in shock. Justin knew what they were seeing. Over the past week, Brian had lost ten pounds from his already lean frame and, on the whole, he looked incredibly worn and tired. His appearance in only a pair of sweatpants along with his stubbled cheeks and wild hair was a stark contrast from Brian’s usual appearance. 

“Brian, are you--” 

Debbie’s question was cut off as Brian took a noticeable step back and into the loft. He was now standing next to Justin, his arm snaking out to wrap around the teen’s waist. With a lethal glare, one worthy of the great Brian Kinney, he looked at each of them in turn, his gaze softening only once when it landed on Gus who was reaching a hand out towards him. 

“Stay the fuck away from me,” Brian growled, using his free arm to forcefully pull the heavy metal door closed. 

Justin was probably as shocked as the ones who were on the other side of the door. Of all the things he had expected to happen when the others arrived, that was one of the last. As far as Justin knew, Brian knew nothing of their family’s failure to react when he went missing. Brian had enough to deal with without adding that to his burden. 

“Lock the door,” Brian whispered, all but slumping against the artist. 

Keeping one arm wrapped around Brian for support, Justin locked the door and reset the alarm. Brian was trembling visibly as Justin led him across the loft and into their bedroom. There had been only a few times in the past two days that Brian had gotten that freaked out. Both times they had still been in bed, still undressed. And once he was able to curl himself around Justin, holding him as close as possible, Brian would begin to relax. The trembling would begin to fade and his breathing would become much less erratic. 

“So do you want to tell me what that was all about?” Justin asked when he was sure that Brian had calmed down. The fact that he was almost asleep was a clear indication of just how relaxed he was. “You could have easily told them that without the added drama of waiting for them to take the elevator up here.” 

Brian snuggled against his chest, his soft hair brushing against the underside of the teen’s jaw. “You know what it was about, Sunshine. My fucking secretary was more worried about me when I went missing than my supposed family.” 

“You know they care about you, Brian,” Justin tried to assure him, nearly choking on the words as he spoke them. “The fifty-three messages on the answering machine are proof of that.” 

In a fluid motion which still bore the tremors of his fading weakness, Brian heaved himself up onto his elbows, staring down at Justin with cat-like eyes. “You don’t have to lie for them, Justin. I forced the truth out of Cynthia yesterday when you were making dinner for the three of us. I know that the others wrote off my disappearance as a tantrum on my part and a part of me knows that they weren’t wrong to think like that.” 

“That’s bullshit, Brian!” Justin interrupted, his hands shooting up to cup the ad exec’s cheeks. “I’ve seen more of your tantrums than the rest of them put together and I still knew that something was wrong. I knew that you wouldn’t just disappear like that and they should have too.” 

“I know,” Brian admitted, the briefest of smiles flittering over his features. “Which is why I can’t even stand to look at them right now. I could have been dead for all they knew and they probably wouldn’t have even noticed until the life insurance checks started coming in for Gus.” 

What Justin hated even more was knowing that the actions of their friends-- their family --hurt Brian even more than his week long imprisonment. It was something that, in Justin’s mind at least, could not be forgiven. 

“Well I’m still here and I’ll always give a damn whether you’re around or not,” Justin promised him as he gently pulled Brian’s face down towards his own. “I love you.” 

Brian lowered his upper body so that he was lying flush against the blonde, their breath mingling as each breath they took caused their noses to rub or their lips to move against each other’s. 

“Love you too,” Brian murmured, speaking the words to Justin’s face for the first time. 

~*~*~ 

“Don’t think this is going to be a regular occurrence,” Brian informed Justin as the blonde navigated a large biscotti cookie covered with ice cream and chocolate sauce towards his mouth. 

“Oh you know you love it,” Justin insisted, scooting forward so that his thighs were resting atop Brian’s as he sat between the taller man’s spread legs. “Now be a good boy and open wide.” 

Under normal circumstances, a comment like that would have been worthy of a sarcastic comeback, but all Brian ended up doing was giving the teen’s shoulder a slight shove. 

“Quit stalling,” Justin laughed, bumping the cookie off of Brian’s closed lips. “The ice cream’s gonna melt soon then you’ll have a mess all over your duvet.” 

Making sure to appear incredibly put out, Brian opened his mouth just wide enough for Justin to slip the ice cream covered biscotti into his mouth. He could feel a few dribbles of ice cream running down his chin and made a move to wipe them away only to have his hand pushed away by the teen. At his questioning look, Justin leaned forwards and delicately licked away the remainders of the ice cream before turning his head every so slightly so that he could press a kiss to Brian’s slightly chilled lips. 

“So this is why you wanted to get the cookies,” Brian accused, licking away the treat from the corners of his lips. “To make me fat.” 

Justin slipped a hand behind Brian’s head and pulled his face forward so that their foreheads were touching. “I could feed you Big Macs morning, noon and night for a month and you still wouldn’t be fat.” 

“Don’t even joke about something like that,” Brian groaned, flopping backwards onto the pillows. “I’d died of a heart attack after the first one.” 

“Can we put that to the test?” Justin asked as he crawled up Brian’s body so that he was lying stretched out next to his lover. 

“And just what are you trying to do to me?” Brian snorted, a small smile flitting across his features. 

Justin flashed him a bright sunshine smile and kissed him quickly. “Get you to smile.... And it looks like my mission is accomplished.” 

Even though he tried not to, Brian couldn’t help but smile at that. He wrapped his arms around the slender blonde, holding him close and nuzzling his face against the other man’s neck. 

“Thanks for putting up with me,” Brian mumbled into Justin’s throat. 

“No thanks necessary.” 

~*~*~ 

If Justin knew where he was heading, the teen would have been freaking out. Brian also knew that it was something he had to do whether or not Justin approved. It was something that had to be done whether the very thought of what he was about to do had his hands shaking. 

“Grow a fucking pair, Kinney,” Brian cursed under his breath as he sat in the back of the taxi. He dropped his head against the back of the seat and willed himself to calm down and get himself back under control. 

There was a lot of the previous week that he didn’t remember and that scared him. It wasn’t an odd occurrence for him to lose small chunks of time. Brian had gotten used to it a long time ago. But instead of losing only a few hours, it was more than an entire week that was missing. 

Eight days had been taken from him and Brian knew that he was never going to get them back. 

And a part of them was also glad that he had lost those days. The vague memories that he had of his time with Ethan was horrible enough. Things that he couldn’t fully remember that would wake him screaming in the middle of the night, seeking out comfort that could only be found in Justin’s arms. 

Brian could tell that Justin had been apprehensive about going to work and leaving him alone for the afternoon. And he knew that no matter how hard he tried to convince Justin that he would be fine, the teen would still worry. It had been the same to him almost a year before after Justin had been hurt. He really was feeling better anyway. Not back to full, but nearly there. 

However, it wasn’t happening quickly enough for Brian’s liking. It had been three days and he should have been able to walk around on the sidewalk or even ride the elevator in his own building without being confronted by the irrational fear that someone or something was going to appear out of nowhere and drag him back to that grungy bathroom and away from Justin. 

To Brian, three days was long enough. He should have been back in control of himself by then and Brian was infuriated by the fact that he wasn’t. All of his rigid personal rules and highly fortified walls did nothing to help him in his present situation. All of his defenses were meant to keep him safe before something happened or to at least be able to ride it out. 

Only he couldn’t even seem to do that. 

No matter what he tried or what he did, Brian was liable to feel completely out of control at any given moment. He remembered last year, trying to empathize with Justin when he would start to freak out and it was only now that he was on the other side that Brian realized just how disillusioned he was about how Justin felt. 

So Brian had decided that he was going to do what he had slowly coaxed Justin into doing only he was going to do it all at once. He was going to face down his demons which, in this case, was a young man who’d had all the potential of being a world renowned violinist. 

“Brian?” Detective Horvath called out in shock as Brian hesitantly entered the police station. 

The ad exec’s body stiffened and he swirled his head towards the other man. “Carl,” he greeted with a tight nod. Forcing aside all his rising fears, Brian strode towards the police officer. “I’m here to see Ethan Gold.” 

As he had expected, Carl appeared quite shocked by Brian’s demand. “Are you sure?” 

And had he’d been thinking clearly, Brian would have been equally shocked. 

“It has nothing to do with being sure of it,” Brian admitted, his shoulders slumping slightly. “It’s just something I have to do. So can I see him?” 

Carl seemed hesitate for a minute before nodding his head. “As long as you’re sure. Shouldn’t Justin be here with you, though? For moral support?” 

“Justin doesn’t know,” Brian told him as he followed after the aging detective. “I don’t want him to know either. It would only upset him. Better I just get this overwith on my own.” 

The two men continued on in silence. With each step that was taken, Brian felt his apprehension growing. He had absolutely no clue what he was doing. In his head, it had all seemed like a good idea. He would confront Ethan, prove to himself that he was over what the teen had done to him. Which he was. In principle anyway. If he wanted to, Brian could convince anyone, even himself, that he was not only completely recovered from what had happened physically give or take a few pounds which he had yet to gain back, but that he had also recuperated mentally. 

In principle. 

One that was put to the test as he set eyes on the man who had put him and Justin through hell for more than a week. In the two years they had known each other, a week was nothing. Justin had been in his coma for two weeks alone. For two weeks Brian had lived in terror that the blonde wouldn’t wake up again. But at least he had known that Justin was safe. He had been in a hospital, receiving the best care modern medicine could offer. 

“Well this is a surprise.” 

Then there was his week in the bathtub. 

“Ethan,” Brian growled, surprising himself with his ferocity. An anger which he was truly entitled to. The younger man had made him feel weak and vulnerable and that was something he did not take kindly to. Especially not that type of vulnerability. 

“Just give me a shout if you need me,” Carl said quietly, patting Brian on the shoulder before he headed away from the cell. 

That Ethan seemed more annoyed with his presence than anything else did nothing to quell Brian’s anger. It was an anger that was as irrational as his fear had been beforehand. All of his emotions and reactions seemed to be entirely out of control the past three days. 

“Despite what you may think, I don’t give two shits about what you did to me,” Brian informed the former prodigy, his fingers absently massaging his right wrist where the cowry shell bracelet should have been. “I really don’t. All I care about is what you did to Justin. He liked you. Fuck, for a while there I thought he cared more about you than he did me. Not anymore. Whatever Justin felt for you means nothing now because you hurt him. A lot. And you did it deliberately. That’s something he won’t forgive.” 

Ethan must have found the words amusing because he smirked and rolled his eyes. “Now see that was the point. I wanted him to suffer. He used me as a pawn so I had to make him pay for that. I won’t be used. Not by anyone.” 

“So you fucked yourself over? Destroyed your life?” 

“Oh it’s more than that,” Ethan grinned ferally. “For the rest of his life, whenever he looks at you, Justin’s going to know that you got hurt because of him. Whenever he looks into your eyes, he’s going to remember the fear he saw. He’s going to remember it always and it will eat him up inside.” 

~*~*~ 

“.... Leave a message if you know I’d want to hear from you. If not, don’t waste my time....” 

Justin tensed as he heard the answering machine message for the third time in half an hour. He knew that he shouldn’t overreact, Brian was fine, but that didn’t stop him from worrying. 

“He’s fine,” Justin repeated to himself as he headed over to the counter to pick up table six’s order. “He’s just having a shower.” 

~*~*~ 

“Poor Sunshine doesn’t know what he’s in for,” Brian giggled as he stared down at his reflection in the river. He was seated on a concrete bank that lined the Susquehanna, his feet dangling precariously close to the water below. “No matter what I do he gets hurt. Do you hear me, fishies? I get poor Sunshine hurt. Even when I don’t mean for it to happen. I should just go away then, shouldn’t I? Make him safe. That sounds like a plan, eh fishies?” 

Tilting his head back, Brian upended a bottle of Jim Beam into his mouth. It was nearly empty but he still wasn’t feeling quite as numb as he would have liked. He could still remember every word that the snot nosed violinist had said to him. The truths that the boy had spat in his face. Truths that Brian did not want to hear or admit to. 

“Only problem is that I love him,” Brian said with a smack of his lips. “It’s all one big cosmic joke. Love is, anyway. A fucking laugh riot, that’s what it is. Don’t tell Sunshine I said that, though. He’ll think I don’t mean it when I say I love him. That’s the problem. I love him, he loves me, I get him hurt. Not the best of situations....” 

Another three mouthfuls and the Beam was gone. But he was still too coherent. Brian wanted to be at the point where he would be unable to string together any understandable thoughts. Booze didn’t seem to be working. That left drugs and sex. It was also too early for him to head off to Babylon to drown himself. Which meant that drugs were his only salvation. 

“I’m in luck,” Brian informed the fish who swam unseen below the surface of the water. “‘Cause I have a nice hit of E in my pocket.... Provided I can find it....” 

Unmindful of the dirt and gravel behind him, Brian stretched out on the ground as he searched the front pockets of his jeans for the hit of E he had slipped into his jeans before leaving the loft. He’d had a feeling that he was going to need it after his visit to the police station. 

“Ah ha!” Brian cried triumphantly as the tip of his index finger brushed across his prize. 

Still on the ground, Brian took the hit and laid waiting for the drugs to take effect and numb him out. The only problem was that it wasn’t happening fast enough. Not by a longshot. He was too alert. To aware of what was happening. 

“This isn’t working, fishies,” Brian called up to the sky. “You don’t think I worked up an immunity to this stuff, do you?” 

The fish were silent and Brian could feel a large stone digging into the back of his skull. So he turned his attention upwards, hoping that the clouds would be more agreeable and insightful than the sewage swimming fish. They were clouds after all. The clouds saw a lot more of the world than fish did so it was only natural that they’d have the answer to his problems. 

“All right, clouds, beam your mojo down on me,” Brian pleaded, fumbling for his breast pocket in search of some cigarettes. When he found them, Brian popped a cigarette out of the pack and into his mouth. Only he couldn’t find his lighter. “Any chance you big guys know what I did with my lighter?” 

Their answer was to spit a drop of rain down on him. 

Followed by another. 

And another. 

And another. 

Till it was pouring rain and he was completely soaked. Only Brian didn’t feel the slightest inclination to move. He was perfectly comfortable lying there in what was fast becoming a mud puddle. It was more comfortable as a puddle and the rock that had been poking the back of his head had sunk into the ground. 

“You know, this isn’t very helpful!” Brian shouting up at the clouds. “It’s not solving my problems!” 

“Brian!” 

Brian perked up at that, a maniacal grin appearing on his face. “Ohhh.... I hear Sunshine.” 

“Brian, where are you?!” 

“I’m having a conversation with some very stubborn clouds,” Brian called back, doing nothing to suppress a giggle. “They’re not very helpful.” 

“They’re clouds, Brian,” Justin informed him, his voice sounding far away even though he was pretty sure he could see a flash of blonde out of the corner of his eye. 

“The fish were even worse. I couldn’t even see them. But I know they’re there. They’re always there. They have to be. They’re fish. You’re always there too. Even when I can’t see you. You were there the whole time I was.... When I was gone. Yeah. When I was gone,” Brian rambled, frowning as his mind wandered back to the time he was... gone. “You kissed me on my forehead and you ran your fingers through my hair and you told me that you’d be there. That you loved me. So I waited for you and you came. You came like you promised. Thank you for coming. I didn’t like being in the bathtub very much.” 

Then he wasn’t getting wet anymore. The clouds were gone. At least he couldn’t see them anymore. He could see the underside of an umbrella, but no clouds. There was a lot of blonde hair, but there weren’t any clouds. 

“What are you doing out here, Bri?” Justin asked quietly, a few raindrops on his cheeks even though it wasn’t raining under the umbrella. 

Brian stared up at Justin’s face, trying to figure out how the raindrops had splashed against his cheeks when he was so high up and protected from the rain. “I’m trying to figure something out.” 

The look on Justin’s face reminded Brian of a dentist who was in the process of pulling teeth. “And just what are you trying to figure out?” 

“Why you’re still here,” Brian told him honestly. “Everyone else eventually goes away, so why haven’t you? Especially since all I ever do is hurt you. If you were smart you’d be running for the hills by now.” 

“You don’t hurt me, Brian,” Justin insisted as he smiled down at him. “You confuse me, you frustrate the hell out of me and you scare the shit out of me sometimes, but you don’t hurt me. It’s just not in you. Now how about you finish your conversation with the clouds so that we can head home where it’s dry and you’re not likely to end up with the flu.” 

“You’re wrong, Justin,” Brian insisted, shaking his head. “I do hurt you. A lot. I hurt you when I went away. That’s why Ethan made me go away. So that you would hurt. And you did. So that makes it my fault. I made you hurt.” 

“No, it’s Ethan’s fault,” Justin insisted, squatting down so that he was close enough to smooth Brian’s bangs from his forehead. “He’s the one that did this, not you. If anything, you just got caught in the crossfire.” 

“You make it sound like I’m some innocent,” Brian snorted, once again taking up his search for his lighter with no success. “And we both know that I’m far from innocent.” 

Justin’s fingers tenderly ran down the expanse of Brian’s face, his thumb eventually sliding across his full lower lip. “In this case you are. I did something that Ethan didn’t like and you got stuck in the middle. He knew that the best way to hurt me was through you. Because I love you.... Now can we please go home? You’re going to get sick.” 

For a brief moment, Brian considered going home with Justin. But still ended up shaking his head. “It’s better if I stay out here. I can’t fuck anything up here.” 

“You’re fucking up for favourite pair of Prada boots,” the blonde pointed out. 

That caught Brian’s attention right away. He raised himself up onto his elbows, glancing down towards his feet. “Shit.... Can you take them off, Sonnyboy? I can’t reach my feet.” 

Justin pressed his lips together and scrubbed his hands over his face. “How about I bring all of you inside? Get you nice and warm. We’ll have a shower.” 

“But I’m already wet,” Brian mumbled, wiggling his feet. 

~*~*~ 

In the end, Justin did coax Brian into the shower. Intoxicated, high and nearly half asleep, it had taken more than a little effort to get Brian from the waterfront to the jeep at the edge of the park. Even more to keep him upright long enough to get the mud washed from his hair and arms. Brian’s muddied clothes were in a pile in the corner of the bathroom and his boots were by the front door. Justin was curious about just how much of that night the other man would be able to remember the following morning. 

Less than an hour after they had returned home, Brian was passed out. He slept curled on his side under the blue lights, one arm reaching towards the spot where Justin normally slept. 

At that moment, Justin sat propped up against a mountain of pillows behind Brian, his fingers moving gently through the damp chestnut strands, brushing it away from Brian’s face. After a few minutes, Brian heaved a great yawn and rolled over, catching Justin around the waist and pillowing his head on the teen’s abdomen. 

Scooting down a little ways himself, Justin wrapped his arms around Brian, hugging the taller man close as he drifted off to sleep as well. 

~*~*~ 

The first thing he was aware of was that he was clutching at a pillow instead of an actual body. Lifting his head, Brian scanned the interior of the bedroom, searching out his lover. He couldn’t see Justin anywhere and there were no noises. Anywhere in the loft. 

“Justin?” Brian called out, sluggishly pushing himself into a seated position. 

When there was still no response from the blonde, Brian slowly eased himself out of the bed and padded towards the small staircase that led down to the rest of the loft. Where there was still no sign of Justin. His shoes were still by the door so he should have still been in the loft. 

Brian slumped down on the top step, willing away the sudden fear that was threatening to consume him. He took several deep breaths, snaking his fingers through his hair, messing his hair up more than it probably already was. There was an almost memory of Justin running fingers through his hair from the night before, but he couldn’t be sure. 

The lock rattled in the door and Brian bolted to his feet, staring warily towards the door. He took very slow, measured steps down the stairs, his bare feet not making a single sound compared to the loud clattering noise the door made as it was yanked open across its runners. 

Then a certain blonde entered reading the morning paper. He was barefoot, wearing only a pair of sweats which rode low on his hips and his hair was still in a complete disarray. So absorbed in what he was reading, Justin didn’t notice him at first. 

“Where the fuck were you?” 

Justin started at the sound of his voice, dropping the newspaper to the ground. “Brian! I figured you’d still be asleep for a few more hours. How are you feeling?” 

“Where’d you go?” Brian asked again, much more calmly this time. He slowly made his way towards the kitchen where Justin was, rounding the counter so that he was within arm’s length of the other man. 

“To get the paper,” Justin explained, reaching down to pick up the newspaper as proof. “Are you all right, Bri? You’re shaking.” 

Glancing down at his hands, Brian realized that Justin was right. His hands really were shaking. More than he wanted to admit to. Clenching his fingers tightly, Brian willed the tremors away, attempting a confident smile in Justin’s direction. 

“Your hair looks like shit,” Brian taunted, striving to flatten a portion of Justin’s hair back into some semblance of order. 

“Taken a look in a mirror lately?” Justin shot back as he moved a hand to Brian’s own hair. “Without a doubt, you have got to have the world’s worst bed hair.” 

“Yeah, well it’s not like I have to get all fancied up for you,” Brian mumbled, running a hand through his hair, his fingers inadvertently linking with Justin’s. 

Justin chuckled quietly and placed his free hand on Brian’s hip. “I can see that.” 

Brian started to laugh as well, realizing for the first time that he was completely naked. Smirking, he wrapped his free arm around Justin’s shoulders, pulling the teen into a hug. They stood there in complete silence for several long minutes. Until Brian felt his earlier tremors fade completely. Only when he was completely sure that he was fine did Brian allow his grip to loosen enough to slip out of Justin’s arms. 

“So what are you cooking me for breakfast?” Brian grinned down at the smaller man. 

That question earned him an arched eyebrow from the teen. “Not only do I have to search the entire city for you, in the rain, convince you to end your conversation with the clouds and come out of the rain, drag you home drunk and high then get you showered and cleaned of mud, but now you expect me to make you breakfast?” 

“Please?” Brian pouted, placing a series of kisses along Justin’s lower lip. “Pretty please, Sunshine? Make me some yummy breakfast?” 

“Go get dressed,” Justin sighed dramatically. “I’ll go make us something to eat.” 

As Justin started to pull away, Brian latched onto his arm and eased him back around. With his other hand he reached up to cup the blonde’s cheek, stroking his thumb across the high cheekbone. 

“What is it, Bri?” Justin whispered as he stared up at him, his long lashes fluttering against his cheeks. 

Deciding against actually saying anything, Brian leaned down and brushed a quick kiss against the unresisting lips. 

“Don’t forget the guava juice.” 

~*~*~ 

“Are you sure you wanna do this?” Justin asked as the two of them walked arm in arm down Liberty Avenue a week after Brian’s rescue from the grungy bathroom halfway across town. “There are a lot of other places we could eat. Ones that won’t put our health in jeopardy.” 

Of course the real reason behind his question was a lot more obvious than that. To both of them though neither made any mention of it. 

“Well if you weren’t such a good cook I wouldn’t feel the need to completely destroy my internal organs by eating from the Liberty Street Diner,” Brian informed him, his free hand reaching up to adjust his sunglasses which had fallen down his nose. 

“That makes no sense,” Justin giggled, nudging Brian in the side with his elbow. 

“Neither do a lot of things in life.” 

A moment of truth came as the pair set foot in the diner. An unspoken one that was played out for the diner’s patrons and a few people who stood gawking in the window. 

In their usual booth, Emmett, Ted, Michael, Melanie and Lindsay all sat with Deb standing beside their table with a tray perfectly balanced from years of experience. All six of them turned towards Brian and Justin after Ted had alerted the others to their presence. Each of them looked as though they wanted to say something, but were all silent, waiting to be spoken to first. 

Only that didn’t happen. 

Without so much of a nod in the direction of the people who had once been their family, the pair walked to the far booth, settling themselves down to enjoy a meal together. 

The lines had been drawn and there was no going back. 

As they waited for their food to arrive, the pair talked quietly, their fingers openly linked together across the top of the table. At one point, Justin lifted their hands and slowly guided them towards him. Brushing a light kiss on the fading bruise that encircled Brian’s right wrist. 

In a few days the bruise would be gone and there would be nothing wrapped around Brian’s wrist. 

“It’s about time I put that behind me,” Brian announced, staring down at his naked wrist. 

“If it helps, I think you’re wrist looks just as sexy with nothing on it,” Justin told him, lightly running his thumb across the warm skin. 

Brian nudged Justin’s foot under the table with his own. “You’re biased.” 

“Doesn’t matter,” Justin said with a shrug. “It’s still true.” 

Their food arrived then, bringing an end to the teasing argument. Both were fully aware of the constant stares being directed at them, but did not care. They ate their meal, oblivious to what was going on around them, stealing bites off the other’s plate when he was distracted or feeding each other forkfuls of something else. 

Neither noticed if the main portion of their audience was still in their booth when they left. Talking quietly between themselves, the lovers headed back towards the jeep so that they could head off to the market just like they would every other Sunday.


End file.
